Oh, Canada!

The other night, while watching Degrassi: The Next Generation, my friends and I came to the realization that none of us really know what the fuck is going on in Canada. So I put it on my to-do list to google Canada. This is what I've unearthed:



Ah, Canada. Breathe it in.

Canada, as most people will readily tell you, is America's wacky cousin to the north. Something I did not know about Canada is that is the second largest country in the world in area. Canucks! Who would've thought?

Canada is also divided into provinces.

They're like states but bigger and more Canadian. And unlike states in the US, Canadian provinces have actual power. In fact, in Canada, it is the provinces that enact most of the social systems, not the federal government. The provinces also have more money than the federal government. Apparently, no other country in the world divides power this way.

I decided, upon learning this that the most fruitful approach to wrestling Canada into my intellectual headlock would be to explore the provinces (and three territories!) one at a time. Starting in the northwest.



The Yukon Territory!

From what I gathered, the Yukon Territory, despite laying claim to the oldest human remains in North America, was one of the last places the white devil tried to penetrate. However, penetrate he did. The Russkis were the first, back in 1740 but peaced out pretty quickly. Representatives of the Hudson Bay Company (specializing in mining, commerce, expansion and undoubtedly genocide) scurried up there from British Colombia roundabouts 1840. Native Inuit people, less than thrilled to have their main trade route squatted on by the blue-eyed devils, waited until the fort settlement was empty, robbed it and burned it down. Undaunted, the Hudson Bay company proceeded to seize and sell every natural resource they could find. In 1898, gold was discovered and everybody shit a brick.

This was what legitimate research got me. But what about now? I thought. I decided to take another approach.

Myspace!

My browsing of those within a 250 mile radius of Dawson, Yukon Territory (postal code Y0B 1G0) led me to the conclusion that people in the Yukon like heavy metal and ice hockey. They look like this guy:


What's up guy?

General conclusion: the Yukon Territory is boring and depressing. Moving on...

Northwest Territories and Nunavut

The Northwest Territories is a place so overwhelmingly lame that Canada didn't even bother to give it a proper name. Its name is just a general description. Apparently the Northwest Territories is literally the part of Canada that no other province wanted. Hudson Bay Company basically sold it because they were bored with it. Its population is about the same as my hometown of Garden City, Michigan (about 50,000) spread over an area eight times the size of the entire state of Michigan. Wow.

Nunavut, however, is admittedly badass. Originally part of the Northwest Territories, Nunavut got to become its own Inuit/English speaking province in 1999 and has vowed to preserve the Inuit language and create an entirely Inuit/English bilingual population by 2020. Benjamin Lee Whorf would be proud. Also, Nunavut's Baffin Island is the famed Helluland (Land of the Smooth Stones) from the Norse sagas of Leif Erikkson. Caucasian artifacts from the island predate even the Norse exploration- meaning white folks were all up in that shit before the 18th century. Now the Inuit got it back. BOO-YAH! Faced!

Back to the Canadian grind...

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I began researching British Colombia and my computer began to fail me. I'm taking this as a sign that I don't need to know any more about Canada. If I want more, I'll just have to go.

Plus I'm bored.

Peace.

-cbo