Friday, February 27, 2009

Its time to write.

What the hell?

I haven't posted in God knows how long and I have no idea why.

Actually I may know the culprit here...

We got a Wii.

The wii is the devil. It is addicting and its causing me to wanna kick some ass in tennis instead of getting my life together. Figures.

Let me redeem myself...

I bought the Wii with the idea of getting fit. Laugh all you want, but its been proven that playing the wii causes circulation flow, quicker responses from your brain and so on and so on. I have yet to buy the Wii fit. I tried two stores yesterday and they were both sold out. Whatever. So far tennis is kicking my ass...

Anyway I guess it was my turn to apologize for being the worlds laziest blogger.

I'm sorry


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Neil Young


First and foremost, after reading the last few blogs posted by the fabulous C-bo, I've realized that my postings make me sound as deep as the depressions on a nickle. Sorry for this. You ought to have been warned. I should have said something.

(( I swear I'm deep. I care about world peace, Eco-friendly shit and Elephants. How much deeper do you want? :))

Now, onto more pressing matters. I feel I am a driven person. When I set my mind to doing something, in most cases - I succeed. Sadly, I focus my energy on absurd goals. This being said, my March resolution is to find out where Neil Young lives, speak with him, and coerce him into falling in love with me. I realize this could be a difficult mission, but I plan on succeeding. Take note of the fact that I make monthly resolutions as opposed to a yearly one. I tend to lose focus after a few weeks, thus monthly aspirations are much more tangible.

I have searched for information on him relentlessly via the inter-webs and have come up with some promising results. Turns out, he currently resides in California, while holding properties in Florida and throughout the islands of Hawaii. Now. For those of you readers who have decided I'm a psycho stalker, you've been mislead. The reality of my unique aspiration holds nothing but good intentions. I would like to express to him how greatly his music has shaped the entirety of my life. At a young age, I was introduced to Neil Young's beautiful music and eloquent lyrical expression. Over the years, Neil has managed to excite me, calm me and easy my mind throughout times of struggle. Neil Young's music has been the backdrop for many of the most memorable moments in my life. I would love to tell him this.

You may be wondering about the coercion part. .

I believe that I should have been born in 1958, give or take a year. At the ripe age of 16 (1974), I would have been wondering about Nixon, waiting for Ted Bundy to kill me, peacefully swaying to Joni Mitchell's new album "Court and Spark", saying goodbye to Ed Sullivan, dancing to "killer queen" by Queen", becoming a "rebel, rebel" (Bowie), preaching peace with other hipsters and attending as many Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, CSNY, Hendrix and Beatles concerts as possible. For whatever reason, 1974 sounds a bit more appealing that 2009, featuring Solja Boi. Call me crazy.

I feel cheated. Now, at the age of twenty-two, I am left shiftless. Had I in fact been born in 58', I would have had plenty of time to embrace the new sexual revolution, cannabis and perhaps LSD. I would have been completely strung out and willing to "explore myself" with the musical greatness that was around for the taking. Perhaps I'd have been a groupie. NOW, I am forced to grab onto whatever paisley printed, poorly made t-shirt I can find from the Westland Mall and play fake Hippie - all while driving around in my cobalt, with Pucholli air fresheners strewn about, listening to Neil Young live, from my IPod. Fuck.

This all being said, I have got to do this. I haven't got much more time. Wish me luck.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Oh, Canada!

The other night, while watching Degrassi: The Next Generation, my friends and I came to the realization that none of us really know what the fuck is going on in Canada. So I put it on my to-do list to google Canada. This is what I've unearthed:

Ah, Canada. Breathe it in.

Canada, as most people will readily tell you, is America's wacky cousin to the north. Something I did not know about Canada is that is the second largest country in the world in area. Canucks! Who would've thought?

Canada is also divided into provinces.

They're like states but bigger and more Canadian. And unlike states in the US, Canadian provinces have actual power. In fact, in Canada, it is the provinces that enact most of the social systems, not the federal government. The provinces also have more money than the federal government. Apparently, no other country in the world divides power this way.

I decided, upon learning this that the most fruitful approach to wrestling Canada into my intellectual headlock would be to explore the provinces (and three territories!) one at a time. Starting in the northwest.

The Yukon Territory!

From what I gathered, the Yukon Territory, despite laying claim to the oldest human remains in North America, was one of the last places the white devil tried to penetrate. However, penetrate he did. The Russkis were the first, back in 1740 but peaced out pretty quickly. Representatives of the Hudson Bay Company (specializing in mining, commerce, expansion and undoubtedly genocide) scurried up there from British Colombia roundabouts 1840. Native Inuit people, less than thrilled to have their main trade route squatted on by the blue-eyed devils, waited until the fort settlement was empty, robbed it and burned it down. Undaunted, the Hudson Bay company proceeded to seize and sell every natural resource they could find. In 1898, gold was discovered and everybody shit a brick.

This was what legitimate research got me. But what about now? I thought. I decided to take another approach.


My browsing of those within a 250 mile radius of Dawson, Yukon Territory (postal code Y0B 1G0) led me to the conclusion that people in the Yukon like heavy metal and ice hockey. They look like this guy:

What's up guy?

General conclusion: the Yukon Territory is boring and depressing. Moving on...

Northwest Territories and Nunavut

The Northwest Territories is a place so overwhelmingly lame that Canada didn't even bother to give it a proper name. Its name is just a general description. Apparently the Northwest Territories is literally the part of Canada that no other province wanted. Hudson Bay Company basically sold it because they were bored with it. Its population is about the same as my hometown of Garden City, Michigan (about 50,000) spread over an area eight times the size of the entire state of Michigan. Wow.

Nunavut, however, is admittedly badass. Originally part of the Northwest Territories, Nunavut got to become its own Inuit/English speaking province in 1999 and has vowed to preserve the Inuit language and create an entirely Inuit/English bilingual population by 2020. Benjamin Lee Whorf would be proud. Also, Nunavut's Baffin Island is the famed Helluland (Land of the Smooth Stones) from the Norse sagas of Leif Erikkson. Caucasian artifacts from the island predate even the Norse exploration- meaning white folks were all up in that shit before the 18th century. Now the Inuit got it back. BOO-YAH! Faced!

Back to the Canadian grind...




I began researching British Colombia and my computer began to fail me. I'm taking this as a sign that I don't need to know any more about Canada. If I want more, I'll just have to go.

Plus I'm bored.



Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Fuck a Duvet

It is approximately 3:00AM and I am pissed. I have realized, after a long day of terribly annoying shit that I may or may not suffer a massive heart attack if I do not remove some of the redundant bullshit that inhabits my life. Furthermore, today has solidified the fact that this world is chaos and many everyday things were sent here to pester me .

#1. Fuck Peanuts. What is happening with the peanut recall? I am now terrified of eating anything that may have at one point in time, been stored in the same building as said contaminated peanuts. I can now add another phobia to the existing laundry list of debilitating fears. Great.

#2. Fuck Lighters. Not one, BUT two of them broken in my hands today. One of the few joys of cigarette smoking is how quickly it can be done. Simply pull a cigarette out, flick your Bic and there you go. Delightful nicotine goodness. I would like to meet the person who invented the clear, multicolored, cheap as dirt lighters. The " 3 for a dollar" gimmick should be changed to "get 3, because god knows you'll need at least 3 to light up." Thanks a lot.

#3. Fuck Taco Bell. For years, yes years, I have patronized this quick and disgusting establishment and I have now been let down for the last time. Kids meals : two tacos, nacho's and cheese and a delightful toy to accompany you whilst you fill your body with toxins. Not anymore. Now, you get two tacos, cinnamon twists and a children's PC game. I really just wanted to nachos :( .

And finally,

#4. Fuck a Duvet. The idea of a duvet is to cover and protect your down comforter. I have several different types of duvets in my lifetime and have hated all of them. The newest one has buttons on the side, 8 in total. Well 4 of them popped off the first night and the two remaining ones and get fucked. I literally woke up in a sweaty panic, tangled up inside of this thing. I would like to stuff who ever created this $80, half open, poorly constructed piece of fabric - INSIDE of my duvet. Good luck getting out, hope you've got some extra time. My duvet is now in 3 pieces. Yes, I tore it to free myself. I panicked.

Well that's enough of that. I am obviously quite disgruntled. The only thing left to happen now is to have Cassie and Ivan come to Michigan to cheer me up. So, lets get on with it.

Hope all is well.


Sunday, February 8, 2009

Chris Brown Goes to Jail

Celebrities are just like us.!!!

So apparently Chris Brown got arrested for beating up Rhianna. .... (hehehe)


SO.. according to police results, police responded to a 911 call from an "unidentified" woman reporting a battery around 12:20 am. Feb 8 2009, identifying Chris Brown as her attacker.

Earlier today, Chris Brown and Rhianna cancel their Grammy performance, due to a car accident.

Her Publicist say she's okay shortly after.

At around 7 pm yesterday, Chris Brown turned himself in to the police.

uh HUH

Craziness. I wonder what Rhiannna did to him? What a little prick...

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Campus Brawl

"I think the way it was portrayed is a little skewed and it puts Cheyney in a bad light, which is not good for us, because, from what I know, it doesn't accurately get the whole scope of the whole night and it's a very sensationalist video," George Bush, Cheyney student body president

OK, Seriously

Fighting is dumb. Whats the point, it really solves nothing, in the end, as you sit there with a puffy black eye, looking like an idiot...guess what? You still have that problem.
I guess "dudes" find that fighting proves some sort of masculinity. Whatever, that is not true.
Further more, I think racism is ridiculous and way unnecessary.

Anyway, I just happened to find it funny. Hearing the names in the sentences, was kind of like playing mad libs.

Laugh a little!

If you wanna read the whole thing, click me!

Monday, February 2, 2009

...and then this happened at the Super Bowl (if you are under 18 or/ and easily offended by a penis...Don't watch this)

Bruce Springsteen hits the camera with his crotch, the Steelers win in the last seconds, and in Tucson, Arizona the game was interrupted with a short clip of...well... Porn

This is so much better than Janet's nipple....

I don't even know where to begin with this one.

and with no comparison, here is the almighty Bruce...

If you wanna read the article on the porn escapade, click here

Super Bowl 09 Ads

OK, at least have of us watch the Super Bowl to see the commercials. Its no secret that during the airing of the Super Bowl, some of the best commercials will air.

This one is my favorite by far... (He's so hot)

This one, was my least favorite, They are all good... but this one...

for some reason, I didn't laugh... I just thought it was dumb. Real dumb. I know a bunch of people disagree with me.

Fuck you, its my blog.

Here is a link you can click to see the rest of them...

Check 'em out.

Super Bowl XLIII

Congrats to the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Barely)

To all the Arizona fans... The Cardinals did a damn good job. They almost had it, but in the end, the steelers took it home, making this their sixth Super Bowl win.

(greedy jerks)

I don't know much about football*, only what I learned cheering, but the game was exciting, fun and a roller coaster ride. Which is what I imagine the Super Bowl to amazing game, good fatty foods, and of course men in tight pants. (I'm just saying)

*(So this was my attempt to blog about sports...I'm sorry had this been about gymnastics...I would have gotten a Pulitzer)

The weekley address

  • Check email? Check
  • Browse some Internet shopping sites? Check
  • Keep in contact with friends? Check
  • Read some blogs? Check

And now?

  • Listen to what the president of the US has to say about my future? Check!

I commend you Omaba!
The Internet (or arpanet, as it was once called) has been around for a hot minute but it has been publicly traded since the early 90's, and allowing the common person access to a million and one things. Which is why it makes perfect sense for our president to communicate with us through a video blog. Omaba started targeting an audience that Bush forgot about...

My generation.

Therefor, increasing his popular vote and giving us, not the white haired, privileged, Caucasian men, but the normal, 18-30year old group of people that in end, somewhat care.

Here he talks about reviving the economic system, keeping a close eye on big CEO's to make sure that our (taxpayers) dollars are not being abused, and most important, doing something about the housing market and get credit flowing once again.

Watch it here!

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